We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
