I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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