had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
