I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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