I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
