I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
