I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
