i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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