Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
