Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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