and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
