I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
