There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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