Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
