I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
