I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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