He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
