I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
