I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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