I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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