In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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