you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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