Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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