Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
