HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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