Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
