I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
