i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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