distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
