man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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