does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
