we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
