I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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