I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
