We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
