Need sex. Gaining weight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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