So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
