bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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