She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
