no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
