This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
