Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
