we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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