sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
