so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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