I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
where are you?
Hypothermia
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
