Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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