I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
