any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
