i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
