I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
