Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
