I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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