me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
