so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
