Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
