My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
