weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
