she woke up with a sticky ear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
