I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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