I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
