I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
