dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
